hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
