Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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