Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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