I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
