well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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