Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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