Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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