I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My vagina is officially offended.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
