Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
