Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
