I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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