i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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