It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
