He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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