Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
