I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize