you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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