she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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