First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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