If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We need a shit load of segways right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
