does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
