just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
