WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
