well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
