I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
