I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
