Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize