before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
