i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
there is glitter all over my balls
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