And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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