Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
