So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
