is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
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I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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