I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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