My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize