no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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