Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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