I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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