Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
did i walk over a car last night?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
