You smell like stripper and shame
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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