just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
