Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
