I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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