My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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