No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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