Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
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Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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