420 ftw
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
