Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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