the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
