New invention idea: vibrating tampons
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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