swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
