you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
