YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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