She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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