My friends, they love my intelligence
I love having hate sex.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
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Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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