Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Come on in and take your pants off
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