oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize