you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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