So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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