I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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