Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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